Supporting Your Child Through a Divorce: A Guide for Caregivers

Written by Kate Dawson, MSW

Child & Family Therapist in Chicago, IL

Divorce is a challenging time for everyone involved, but it can be especially difficult for children. As a child and family therapist, I’ve seen firsthand the impact that a well-handled divorce can have on a child’s emotional and psychological well-being. Here are some strategies to help support your child through this transition.

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1. Open Communication

Children need to feel informed and included in what’s happening around them. Explain the situation in age-appropriate terms, ensuring they understand that the divorce is not their fault. Encourage them to express their feelings and ask questions, and be ready to provide honest, straightforward answers. This openness fosters trust and helps them process their emotions.

2. Maintain Stability and Routine

During a time of significant change, maintaining a sense of normalcy is crucial. Keep routines as consistent as possible, including school, extracurricular activities, and bedtime schedules. Stability provides a sense of security and helps children adjust more easily to new living arrangements.

You might say, “We know things are changing, but you’ll still go to soccer practice on Wednesdays and have your favorite bedtime stories at night. We’ll try to keep things as normal as possible for you.”

3. Avoid Negative Talk About the Other Parent

No matter the circumstances of the divorce, it’s important to avoid speaking negatively about your ex-spouse in front of your child. Children often see themselves as half of each parent, so criticism of one parent can feel like criticism of them. Instead, encourage a positive relationship with both parents, unless there are safety concerns.

4. Validate Their Feelings

Children may experience a range of emotions, from sadness and anger to confusion and guilt. Validate their feelings by acknowledging their pain and reassuring them that it’s okay to feel the way they do. Statements like, “I understand you’re feeling upset, and it’s okay to feel that way,” can be incredibly comforting.

5. Seek Professional Support

Sometimes, children need more help than parents alone can provide. Consider seeking the support of a child therapist who specializes in dealing with divorce. Therapy can offer a safe space for children to express their feelings and develop coping strategies.

6. Work Towards Co-Parenting Effectively

Work together with your ex-spouse to co-parent effectively. This means cooperating, making joint decisions when possible, and presenting a united front. Co-parenting reduces conflict and provides children with a sense of stability. Although you are not in relationship anymore, you will always both share a child together. It is crucial to make sure that they are prioritized.

7. Reassure and Affirm

Children need reassurance that they are loved and that their basic needs will be met. Affirm your love for them regularly and remind them that both parents will continue to be there for them, even though the family dynamic is changing.

8. Be Patient

Adjusting to divorce is a process that takes time. Be patient with your child and yourself as you navigate this new chapter. Understand that there will be good days and bad days, and that’s okay. Make sure to let your child know that it’s okay to feel different things on different days. Some days might be harder than others, and that’s perfectly normal.

9. Encourage Healthy Expression

Encourage your child to express their feelings in healthy ways. This might be through talking, drawing, journaling, or playing. Providing outlets for expression helps children process their emotions constructively.

10. Take Care of Yourself

Your well-being directly impacts your child’s well-being. Make sure to take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist if needed. When you’re in a good place, you’ll be better equipped to support your child.

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Final Thoughts

Supporting your child through a divorce is about creating a nurturing environment where they feel heard, loved, and secure. By maintaining open communication, stability, and seeking professional support when necessary, you can help your child navigate this challenging time with resilience and strength.

Remember, every family is different, and it’s important to find the strategies that work best for you and your child. With patience, understanding, and love, you can help your child emerge from this experience feeling supported and cared for.

If you’re going through a divorce and need additional support for your child, consider reaching out to a professional therapist. We’re here to help you and your family navigate this journey together.

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Kate Dawson, MSW, is a therapist at Family Horizons in Chicago, IL specializing in child and family therapy, with a focus on helping children through complex family dynamics. She is experienced in supporting families experiencing significant transitions, attachment difficulties, and emotional and behavioral challenges.